A 6-Year-Old Gets The Full TSA Patdown
This is insane. What country are we living in?
[Note: On the way to Washington DC to attend a conference, I received the TSA pat down. I wrote this right after it happened:]
I am currently at San Francisco International Airport, otherwise known as SFO. I’m traveling with my friend Marcia Simmons from San Francisco to Washington DC to attend the AWP writer’s conference.
SFO has installed millimeter wavelength scanners. As you probably know, not only does walking through these scanners expose you to a dose of radiation, it allows the TSA agent to see you naked. Here is a sample image from the machine:

[Image source.]
I don’t feel there is any reason a TSA agent should see me naked, so I opted out of the scanner. Marcia also opted out. When you do this, you have to undergo the new TSA pat down where the agent touches private areas of your body, including between your breasts and along the inside of the waistband of your pants. For men, they also cup your balls.
Although Marcia and I both received the pat down, Marcia had a very different experience than I had. Here’s what happened:
Marcia went first. The TSA agent asked her why she was opting out of the scanner, wrote her answer down in an official-looking binder, took her to a partitioned area, and began the pat down.
I went second. My TSA agent’s name was Crystal. She asked me why I was opting out of the scanner. I said, “Because I don’t want TSA agents to see me naked.” Crystal said, “Fair enough. Come with me.” She did not write my reason in the binder like the other agent did for Marcia.
I was led to a partitioned area across from Marcia. I said, “I am willing to be patted down, but I don’t want you to touch any sensitive areas, like near my vagina or breasts.” Crystal said that I had no choice, I had to be patted down. She added that she would show me what she was going to do to me on her own body. While gesturing to herself, Crystal explained that she was going to run her hand over my arms, my legs, inner thighs, pelvic area, butt, stomach, and between the breasts. In addition, she said she was going to run her hand around my waistband, which would require her putting her fingers inside my pants, next to my skin.
When she finished, I said, “I’m not comfortable with what you’re telling me. I don’t want you to touch me intimately like that.”
Crystal bristled at this word, intimate. “I’m not going to be touching you intimately, ma’am,” she said.
“It sounds intimate to me,” I said. “I’m sorry, I’m just not comfortable. I don’t want you to touch between my breasts or inside my pants.”
Crystal didn’t know what to do so she went to get her supervisor. Meanwhile, Marcia had finished up and was gathering her things. I called her over and she told me that her TSA agent hadn’t touched her like Crystal was describing. While much of the pat down was the same, the agent had not touched the front of Marcia’s pelvis, between her breasts, or the inside of her waistband. Instead, the agent had pinched the waistband of Marcia’s pants and jiggled it, without touching her skin.
Meanwhile, Crystal came back with her supervisor. I again explained that I didn’t want private areas of my body touched because it is a violation of my rights and privacy.
“Well, would you like to go to a private room for the pat down?” the supervisor said. “Because it IS going to happen.”
I didn’t see the point of going to a private room. If they were going to do something to me, I wanted it to be in public, with witnesses around.
“No,” I said. “Like I said, I’m willing to be patted down. I understand that you have to do your job. I just don’t want anyone to touch me on a private area.”
“This is how we do the pat down, ma’am,” the supervisor said. “Everyone has to go through this.”
“My friend didn’t,” I said. “She was not touched between the breasts or inside the waistband of her pants.”
The supervisor didn’t believe me about that at first, but then she asked Marcia and confirmed that I was telling the truth. However, then the supervisor told me that I did not have the same options Marcia had. While Marcia was not touched intimately, I still had to be.
At this point, I could tell I wasn’t going to win. I thought I would be strong and withstand the bullying, but in the situation, I felt intimidated and afraid. I was also confused because Marcia had received such a mild version of the pat down that I was still hoping, somewhat irrationally, that it wouldn’t be that bad.
So Crystal gave me the pat down while her supervisor watched. Here is exactly what she did:
When she was done, she had touched every part of my body except the front and sides of my breasts, my face, neck, and the bottom of my feet.
By now, I was so upset I was almost crying. But they were not done with me yet. Crystal told me that she had to get some kind of chemical test on her gloves before I could leave. So I stood there like a criminal with my feet planted on the mat while the supervisor watched me. I asked her if I could put on my shoes, but she would not allow me to do so. She told me that I had to stand there until Crystal finished the test.
Finally, Crystal returned and surprise, surprise, I checked out. I am not a terrorist or a drug smuggler.
I asked to lodge a complaint about the pat down. I was given a form to fill out, which I did. Who knows where that will end up.
There’s no doubt in my mind that this pat down was a violation of my rights. Not only does the Fourth Amendment insure reasonable expectation of privacy, it says that citizens have a “right against unreasonable search and seizure.” The TSA pat down is an unreasonable search. When we arrest people in this country, we don’t give them invasive pat downs, yet here I had to undergo one, and for what? Am I a terrorist? Was I smuggling drugs? No, I was just a woman trying to get on her flight, and the US government treated me like a criminal.
What surprised me the most was how upset the pat down made me. I am not someone who is easily scared or shaken up, but afterwards, I felt disturbed and violated. If the pat down can make me feel like that, imagine what it must do to someone who has undergone physical trauma, such as rape or molestation. And what about young girls? [Note: In Washington DC, Marcia watched an 8-year-old girl go through the scanner.] Are fathers now going to have to choose between a TSA agent looking at their little girl naked or running her hands over the girl’s body? And yes, this is a non-sexual situation, but still, that’s what it is: someone running her hands all over your body.
The bottom line is, as a U.S. citizen, I shouldn’t have to endure being groped by a stranger just to get on a plane. It makes me wonder what we are becoming. If our rights are being taken away from us so blatantly, how can we truly continue to call ourselves a free nation?
[Note: On the trip back to San Francisco through Dulles International Airport in Washington DC, TSA was making people go through the millimeter wavelength scanner. I knew I would opt out again, and the prospect of having to undergo the pat down a second time scared me so much, I started shaking. Luckily, they did not make me go through the scanner. They searched my bag and did a chemical test on my saline solution instead.]

Look at these stupid shoes. They cost $2,150!!!!!! And no, those aren’t diamonds. They are crystals. This thing with the expensive shoes has got to stop. Shoes should never be $2,000. They should not be $700 either. That is too much money, especially for something that was probably produced in a sweatshop somewhere.
In case you haven’t run into people like this, there’s a segment of the population who actually judges people on whether or not they wear overpriced shoes like the above monstrosities. For some reason, plopping a rent-sized payment on a pair of shoes is judged as good taste instead of stupidity. This happens to be a pet peeve of mine. There’s nothing wrong with liking shoes, but paying that much for a pair is simply decadent and gross. Seriously, if you pay that much for shoes, you are part of the problem with the world and should be ashamed of yourself.
They aren’t even that cute, either.
Despite being a blog, The Huffington Post seems old fashioned and baby-boomer-ish to me. So I am surprised they printed this awesome article by Chez Pazienza criticizing the baby boomer generation. Like me, he finds all their self-congratulation rather obnoxious. Yeah yeah, there were some good advancements in women and civil rights that came out of the 1960s, but those accomplishments don’t outweigh all the greed, consumerism, and hyperbolic self-importance that this generation has thrust upon us for the last 40 years. Let’s get this straight: Woodstock was just another music festival where everyone got high and listened to equally high musicians–no need for us to celebrate its anniversary every few years. And you know all that protesting against the establishment? Doesn’t mean much since the same generation became far worse than their parents when they took over in the 70s and 80s. Or as Pazienza puts it:
Such is the real legacy of the 60s, as filtered through the haze of bong smoke still looked back on with fondness by many of those who were there: It introduced the most narcissistic, self-congratulatory, self-indulgent generation this country has ever seen. A group of people political satirist Christopher Buckley jokingly calls “The Un-greatest Generation.”
I don’t look forward to the boomers’ approaching retirement and inevitable deaths. It means that, like every other aspect of their lives, we’re going to have to listen to them talk about it for the next 20 years. Maybe after that, we can get some peace.
ETA: My parents aren’t baby boomers, btw. They are war babies, apparently part of the “Silent Generation,” whatever that is.
When I saw Barack Obama for the first time, I thought that he seemed like a good candidate, but I also thought that there was no way Americans would ever elect a black president. I guess you proved me wrong, Country. Well played.
I am absolutely thrilled we have an educated, intelligent, and well-spoken president again. Especially the well-spoken part. His speech last night? Almost made me cry because it sounded so pretty. One thing that has grieved me the most about Bush is that he has destroyed our reputation in most of the world. When he speaks, Obama gives me hope that our reputation can be restored.
Overall, I would say this election is as close to how I vote as I’m likely to ever get. It’s kind of shocking after voting for the last eight years and seeing the opposite results get in every time. With the exception of my fellow Californians agreeing to let the government continue to spend like a drunken sailor, I’m pretty darn happy and feel a renewed pleasure in the USA this morning.
Oprah had a show on saving money yesterday. It had advice like, do not spend more money than you earn. If you lose your job, cut back on your bills. Buy food from the grocery store that is on sale. Do not spend $700 a month at the mall when you don’t have $700 extra a month.
I didn’t realize that people needed to be explained the basics of budgeting. Now that I realize the extent of the problem, I want to do my patriotic duty and help. So here it is, my fellow Americans.
The Joy Lanzendorfer Guide to Surviving the Money Crisis:
I hope that helps. Maybe I can go on Oprah now. Do you think?
It’s true! According to CNN:
Obama:
Occidental College: Two years studying Politics and Public Policy
Columbia University: B.A.Political Science, specialization in International Relations
Harvard University: Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude, Editor-in-Chief, Harvard Law Review
Biden:
University of Delaware: B.A. in History & B.A. in Political Science
Syracuse University College of Law : Juris Doctor (J.D.)
McCain:
U.S. Naval Academy: Graduate–Class rank 894 of 899
Palin:
Hawaii Pacific Univ: 1 semester, Business Administration
North Idaho College: 2 semesters, general study
University of Idaho 2 semesters, Journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College: 1 semester
University of Idaho: 3 semesters, B.A. Journalism
Joy:
University of Oregon: B.A. in English
San Francisco State University: M.A. in English (Creative Writing)
Awesome. Do you think I could be vice president?
All this information is from OpenSecrets.org
I predict Barack Obama will win the primaries. Why? He raised more money than Clinton, and in America, that’s what matters the most. Okay, I’m being a little tongue-in-cheek here, but still: Obama raised $138 million compared to $135 million for Clinton. McCain, who is in a much colder race, raised $54 million.
Where did they get their money from? This is an important question to ask. In the 2000 election, Bush received more donations from the oil industry than the last three presidents combined. And look what happened during his terms–gas prices tripled and we are in a war over oil. That is not a coincidence.
So I took a look at where our new candidates are getting their money from. I’m not that great with numbers, but what I learned was kind of interesting, so I’ll share. Obama got most of his money–74%–from Ideological/Single Issue, meaning individual donations, charities, etc. Another 26% is from Business, meaning corporate donations.
Clinton, on the other hand, received the majority of her donations–56%–from Business. About one-third of her money comes from Ideological/Single Issue.
Then I broke their contributions down by industry. Although I didn’t go through every industry, I discovered that Clinton led Obama in donations from every industry I looked at except for Computers/Internet and Education. Here are some samples of what I saw (keep in mind that while I’m including McCain in here, the comparisons are really apples to oranges because he ran on less money):
Industry: Tobacco
Clinton received $45,800
McCain received $17,000
Obama received $16,187Industry: Oil/Gas
McCain received $283,285
Clinton received $276,150
Obama received $157,390
(This pales compared to Giuliani’s $649,608 from the Oil/Gas industry, btw)Industry: Insurance
Clinton received $781,361
Obama received $594,760
McCain received $381,482Industry: Real Estate (A big issue right now, obviously)
Clinton received $5,366,432
Obama received $3,038,325
McCain received $2,193,808Industry: Commercial Banks
Clinton received $1,211,924
Obama received $1,175,885
McCain received $730,525Industry: Casinos/Gambling
McCain received $102,200
Clinton received $91,125
Obama received $31,300Lobbyists:
Clinton received $783,290
McCain received $453,365
Obama received $99,240
(Note that Clinton is the clear leader here–she has almost twice the donations of the second person on the list, McCain. Compare that to Obama’s modest $100,000.)
What does this say? It says, at the very least, that Clinton is friendlier with most industries than Obama is. Considering that most corruption in American government takes place in the dealings between businesses and politicians, these numbers further my distrust of Clinton considerably. They are, after all, on top of her voting us into Iraq and voting for the Patriot Act twice.
It’s somewhat hypocritical for me to post this since my family wants to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving, but Keri Smith has a list of 10 things to do instead of shopping on Buy Nothing Day, November 23.
Every year, people complain about how Christmas is commercialized and has lost its meaning. I like the idea of consuming less so there is less distraction while we get back to why we have Christmas in the first place.
Personally, I’m making more gifts this year and cutting back on the number of gifts I give. Most of it is simply that I have less money, what with having a mortgage and all. But when I wrote a list of things to make, I was surprised by how many things I was capable of making that people might not mind getting as a present from me. I just wish I had gotten around to making my own vanilla in time for Christmas gifts. Oh well…