British toddler coached through Hamlet’s soliloquy by a Shakespearean actor = adorable!

PhD Comics

Ok fine, turn Strawberry Shortcake into a preteen with a bad wig. Make Megan Fox chase Transformers around. Put symbols on the Care Bears’ tummies that have no business being there. But when you start sexing up Rainbow Brite, you have gone too far.

Rainbow Brite, keeper of the colors of the rainbow, is now going to be released in updated form. So she’s going from this:

To this:

I loved Rainbow Brite as a kid–it was probably my favorite 1980s toy–so I think this Barbie/Bratz hybrid of the toy is just dumb. How can Rainbow Brite rule the color kingdom if she is going through puberty? That is just distracting. She needs to be a kid so she can focus on wielding the color belt and ruling justly over the color kids. She doesn’t have time to worry about the growths and changes of puberty on top of all that. Also, what have they done to Starlite?

I do not have kids. If I did, I would not buy this for them.

Someone posted this cover of Beyonce’s Single Ladies on Facebook, and then I had to go to PomplamooseMusic’s channel and watch all their videos. “Don’t make me sing this part of this song. The lyrics are so bad. So we’re going to skip ahead to the single ladies part instead.” Hehe…

I like this one too. The chorus is great.

PBS canceled the show in 2006, but now they aren’t going to show any episodes anymore. Which is understandable, really, but sad for those of us who watched it as a kid.

Is it sad that I would totally watch this, if it existed, that is?

Loudon Wainwright - Daughter (written by Peter Blegvad)

I got a kick out of these pictures of Disney Princesses in “real life” situations. In addition to Jasmine fighting in the war, Cinderella is an alcoholic, Snow White is in an unhappy marriage, and Little Red Riding Hood got fat. Ah, life.

So many questions here: Why is Archie proposing in a jewelry store? Why are Jughead and Betty looking in the window while he proposes? Why is Betty holding a piece of Wonder Bread to her face? Will Veronica be able to stand living with Archie’s parents while he struggles through junior college? After 65 years, how does this comic manage to still have fans?

So many questions…

American Idol ended last night. I don’t know why I still watch this show but I do, although I usually record it so I can fast-forward the bickering between the judges and time-filling between songs. This morning, everyone is talking about Kris Allen’s surprise win over Adam Lambert. Lambert is clearly the more talented of the two. He has an incredible range, he’s put more interpretation into his songs, and he was raved about by the judges all season long. So why didn’t he win?

The common thought is that America doesn’t like Lambert because he is gay and his losing is some sort of red state/blue state divide. While I’m sure that influences some people, I don’t think it explains Lambert’s fall. Didn’t Clay Aiken almost win a couple of seasons ago, and wasn’t he pretty obviously gay to everyone but the most clueless among us? I don’t think most people care about sexual orientation when it comes to a singing. People voted for Allen not because Lambert is gay, but because Lambert isn’t as likable as Allen.

Put it another way: Lambert comes off like kind of a douche. Eyeliner on a guy? Douchy. Spiked shoe-polish hair? Douchy. Wallet chains? Douchy. Glam rock? Douchy. To be fair to Lambert, this was nothing that he did. He behaved professionally and pleasantly throughout the competition. Still, a friend of mine pointed out that she and Lambert were wearing the same shade of nail polish one night. That’s his problem right there. He’s too goth-kid-went-to-Hot-Topics for most people to take seriously.

By contrast, Allen appears authentic, friendly, and laid back. And more importantly for a performer, he’s better looking and more charismatic than Lambert. Seriously–in every scene of the two of them together, my eye went to Allen. Lambert was just a gothed-up blur beside him.

Their performances had the same effect as their appearances. Lambert is probably the most original person to be on American Idol, and certainly among the most talented, but his performances were sometimes off-putting. He was too theatrical, too wannabe Queen-y (the band and the type of person), and too shrieky. One night his singing got so ear piercing that my cats sat up and looked alarmed. This repels people and animals alike. Allen, on the other hand, drew people in. He made you feel connected to the songs because he seemed personally moved by them. From what I saw, Lambert only achieved this appearance of personal connection with one song, Mad World, while Allen achieved it over and over. (Danny Gokey also made you feel like his songs were personal, but because he always seemed to be singing to his dead wife, it started to seem too personal, not to mention morbid, and that was his ultimate downfall.)

So I was torn about who to root for. Objectively, I could see that Lambert is a million times more talented than Allen, but I just didn’t like him that much. He earned my respect slowly, and even then it was begrudging. But I liked Allen right away. I thought he was cute as a button and I’m sure he makes many 20-something girls heart flutter when he sings. I suppose that if I voted for an American Idol, I would have gone with the talent, but it was a close call.

Anyway, the actual winning of this show means very little at this point. Most of the winners have gone on to nothing, mostly because it takes quite a talent to rise above the soulless pop albums the show inevitably puts out. And really, we’re probably better off that Lambert didn’t win. Glam rock is dead. Let’s keep it that way.