Last night I dreamt that a gang of futuristic radicals had stormed all the Lowes in the world and was staging a hostile world take-over by capturing and killing everyone with ray guns. Barbara Walters was supposed to be some help in stopping them, but she was distracted by a media frenzy surrounding a video from the 1970s showing a young version of her engaged in threesomes with models that looked like Twiggy and singing folk songs at anti-war protests. Meanwhile, being from the past, I was very confused about what was going on, so I asked a cat who was wandering around the Lowes Garden Center. It turned out that I could read the cat’s thoughts, which was helpful but surprising. Then it turned out that my cat Miles was hanging out with this other cat. He was very casual about the fact that we could communicate through telepathy. After that, I ended up talking to the leader of the radicals, who had a map of Lowes out and was deciding which department to attack next. The map was really a map of Powell’s Books rather than Lowes, and as the radical decided to attach the Pearl Room next, I decided to get Miles and leave.

That is all I remember.

I have been going to hardware stores too much.